I know the place in which you dwell
For I have been there.
It is not Heaven, but is our Hell.
Who’s in charge of these high-speed thoughts?
Racing from the past to circle ’round again
Those gray dark years seen the first time
There is no need
To go back there then.
A part of my life deeply buried
Or so I thought.
Filled with horrific memories
I’d hoped had rot.
But here they come to pick me up
To revisit over and over
Please, please make it stop.
This rumination I cannot control
Forcing my thoughts to come out
From that deep dark hole
Now play back on an endless loop
Childhood days that felt like years
Alone on the playground
Alone at lunch
All through my life
I used to pretend
Those awful times had never been.
But those dark thoughts had
Had taken hold
Of my mind, my life
Never to let go
Even now
That I am old.
Those ruminations
I fear but cannot escape
Will be my ruination
The only way to stop
That endless loop
To shut it off forever
Will require my end
My endless sleep.